Monday, July 1, 2013

butt rainbows!!

my life has dramatically improved over the last 7 weeks. not without a lot of self motivation and letting go. lots of tears i can't seem to get them all out. i never knew who i could be until i let go of who i was. that was my biggest delay in moving on not to mention my self imposed limitations and obstacles. motivation is still my biggest enemy. i found some good resources and reads that give me the extra umph. to get me moving. i'm still trying to fatten up from the 30 pounds i lost but didnt need to lose. i ate 1 pound of strawberries and a half of jar of salted laura scudder's peanut butter. heavenly goodness.  my trainer said to walk around with a jar of nut butter and  a spoon. i like the sweet aspect that gooes<--- nice type -O with nuts.having left my 8 year relationship, selling the home i loved losing my bed and my oldest daughter moved out on her own. and i cannot handle my adorable pup. total full hand of losses. so sucky and all the little bs in between. hot as fuck in az . my phone sucks. i need a new number. and the tub doesn't clean itself.still wtf. i like food. it's been fun for me to make my own discoveries. in life. i also have totally eliminated negative thinking. even when i drive. no name calling. think about just how much you judge people in a given day. i challenge you to become aware of it. and also be aware of all the words you say that you never follow through with. empty promises have been flooding my life.  i started back to my own accountability on being codependent no more. that is the key that lets me let go. of anger an pain the most. becoming present help me to really enjoy people and the moment of gratitude at a higher level away from my ego but more in a loving presence. life is becoming beautiful to me. taking back holding a space for the things i don't like.truth be told surrounding yourself with people you like and admire holds true, so does working on being a person you like and admire. keep in mind, i have to strive differently for that.  by letting go of shame and let down. and letting in forgiveness and truth. i am a better person for it.i am so grateful for the lessons and the healing ! thank you bestie!see you soon


Chantel said...

"think about just how much you judge people in a given day. i challenge you to become aware of it."

This, my friend, is brilliant. Your vulnerability is amazing--and I am so glad you seem to have warriors of truth by your side. xo

NicePeace said...

awe!being vulnerable is keeping it real for me. not easy to do because i still experience a lot of emotional trauma but don't give my attention to the pain, i just try not to let it become drama. i don't give the drama my attention. but i do give the good a ton of gratitude.

Memphis Steve said...

It's funny you mention trying to be patient while you drive and not judge people. I was just at a party where someone was talking about a series of arguments and confrontations they've had in traffic. With each one, as they described what they were doing and how the other person reacted, we all agreed that they were in the wrong. Yet they stubbornly refused to acknowledge it and held that in every instance they did the right thing.

I'm glad that you are discovering new and amazing things. But even so, I am sorry that you are going through all of this. It must be terribly painful and difficult. You are stronger than I am to make it through these trials and still have your head help high.

Memphis Steve said...

'held' high, not 'help' high. Sorry about that.

Dan Reposh said...

Hi, was browsing around (searching for something completely unrelated) and ran across your blog which caught my attention and I read on...

I looks like you have been through a lot recently (as have I) and have been dealing with a lot of changes recently. Just wanted to say that I think it is human nature to resist or be uneasy about changes as we tend to like a daily routine, the same surroundings, people, etc. As a result we tend to get uncomfortable, afraid, or anxious when we exposed to change, especially change which we don't control.

However change should not be avoided but embraced, if not welcomed, for if it were not for change we would be forever repeating the same things and never be exposed to new experiences, people, and things which all make us stronger and grow.

I too am still in the process of adjusting to and accepting this, coming from someone who had a very structured, self-controlled, day to day routine with my son (and out of a relationship that was even more rigidly structured) and sometimes still have to take a step back and look at the big picture, how much stonger I become with each challenge I overcome and appreciate the things that I probably would never have known in my 'day-to-day' world.

Anyway, it seems like you are on a good footing, have a good attitude and are more than strong enough to handle the challenges you are facing (and you have people who are there for you if you need the extra nudge and support now and then). Keep strong kiddo and always try to 'enjoy the day' :)