Friday, May 10, 2013

MISSING MOMMY

here it is again. that time we celebrate the first woman we loved. i have not missed my mother more than i have in the last 6 months.when my mom died she was not at peace her cancer had spread to her brain and i swear, the things she had filtered fher whole life was spewing out life a broken oil line unstoppable. and mean. it was an awful way to spend the last few days with someone you love. and no one is there for you like dear old mom. through your challenges heartbreak, your own mothering dilemmas. noo others love and compassion can measure up. i understand this as i feel that love toward my own 2 daughters. and even a bad day they might have at school sets me into high gear of empathy and help mode. we never stop wanting or craving the mothers we need and love so much. this year has been my greatest challenge. yes becoming a mom was a great change in my life but one i could experience the love of giving and receiving. knowing i had a huge role in the outcome.with a more predictable outcome

i miss my mommy today. i have felt her around me and sought her guidance through my healing time. i have really needed her these last few weeks.while going through this breakup with ian of 8 years and returning to single motherhood are huge actions to take on all at the same time.moving and trying to upl ift my daughters who are dealing with teen life too Haley is graduating and her own life discoveries are pending and being questioned.
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. i feel like superwoman right now!keeping my self out of a downward spiral and funk that i could easily fall into.

i find myself continuously manifesting what i want and waking daily with gratitude- a  state of mind. today i am grateful for my kids and the love and joy and beautiful young women they are. a new place to start over and to call home. and support from friends. and the amazing people that keep showing up in my life.

2 comments:

Memphis Steve said...

My father died just a few years ago and I still have trouble with the fact that he's not around to talk to or ask questions of. There are things I want to show him or tell him and I realize that some parts of my life I only really shared with him. No one else would understand some of it.

I know how you feel missing your mother. I'm sorry that you are going through so much difficulty these days. You truly must be Superwoman. But if so, then your daughters have one very impressive mother. They're lucky they have you.

The Six-Fingered Monkey said...

YOU are an amazing person. Happy Mother's Day Mo - I hope is was spectacular!!! xo - Six