Friday, July 12, 2013
my lessons of surrender and freedom.
6 months of letting go and challenges have lead me to a place of peace. not easy to do with where i wass in my heart and mind being aroundnew people and their influence of thetruth of selfis nothing but freeing and hopeful. once i surrendered and looked within the common theme was it is my job to look at this and decide i deserve better. in my life letting go of what never was was a boost of love i gave myself. the beauty i found was doing it alone. not through the approval of someone else . surrounding myself often with others that take action in living. have goals and live in the present not forcing their beliefs but being an example of living. and being satisfied while learning to be with myself and grow has had many rewards. i feel forgiveness in a way i haven't in a long time. i like not explaining what i am and having to defend it at every word.
so yes, i can now appreciate the lesson from you. i have been working harder than ever at healing my physical and emotional well being. as a way of survival as a priority like food and air. i feel great these days i no longer cry over the losses but look at them all as stepping stones to a better place one i have missed and have been longing for. back to trusting my intuition. heeding the warnings and trusting The process. my only expectations are about me from me. the surrender that people need to find their own way. less judgement more giving.better listening with more silencing the mind and the mouth. i m taking on a pure developmental sate of being . with original thought from successful influences. coming from a place of love and patience. i no longer have to tolerate crappy behavior and justify something that is crappy letting go and walking away has healed me in countless ways. that are starting to shine through. my light is finally returning. i no longer cry over what used to be. i am no longer in the grieving mind frame. it has allowed nme to discover new people and experience life in a way to serves my soul i am back to giving to others instead of seeing what others have to give. i was told i had a case of ptsd. although i wont have that define who i am i can see the time i went through that it was true. the painful sadness and depression i had several months back.where i pushed everyone away. i see how pissed off i was.at the hand i was dealt. and the story i let it become. all a part of the bigger picture and now the better picture. i no longer cry over that story. the only part that saddens me is the effect that it had on Olivia and Haley.and knowing i should have done this long ago. so without blaming me any more. i got it and get it. i can still get pissed off but i try and put you in a space in my heart when i see you are not looking within and growing. so i dont have hate for you . that is my way of forgivingyou as i don't have to be anything anyone expects me to be good or bad. taking responsibility for self is the best i have to respond with for now.
and accepting you for who you are and staying away from you is the best i have to offer you. i can even look for the good now and focus on it. it feels better on a cellular level. thank you for the lessons. every last one of them.