Thursday, May 3, 2012

We did it.

Awe Burning Man. I am starting to feel it as it gets closer to arrival. The dust, the sounds, the lights, the sights. The new friends to meet. There is not anything common about what you think it might be, but it will be nothing of which you thought it would be. Burning man is personal. It takes you to another level of peace, friendship, expectation, hope and love. It opens your mind to people, to fun and mostly to joy. When Ian and I went to burning man, we had talked about going for about 5 years. We finally bought tickets in January 2011, probablly at the very lowest time in our relationship. As you know I moved out of our home in May of 2011. I was determined to go without him, I didn't know how i would but my pride told me not to miss it. Even after I moved, we stayed together. We worked out a lot of problems. We talked about going, about not going about maybe waiting to go, after all we were in a fragile state of mind. We had handfuls of reasons not to attend. Late June of 2011, we had determined that we wouldnt be attending Burning Man in 2011, too much to prepare for, nothing to offer, no money, blah fucking blah blah blah. Then one day I was reading a blog about Burning Man. And the blog came up, and this was my comment to it: NicePeace Says: July 8th, 2011 at 4:57 pm That moment you realize you have never been to the Playa was about to sell your ticket, and starting reading these moments with tears in your eyes and wondered how you could miss it again this year. I will be there for new moments. THIS is my right of passage! Peace Read that blog. It will delight and encourage you and bring you alive and you will feel it. I mean FEEL it. And reading it now, after going and after all this time I still FEEL it. I shared it with Ian and we both agreed, there was no way we were going to miss it. We locked arms and we made it happen. We had a mission and reason and WE needed it for the sake of us. Burning Man changed me. It changed Ian. It SAVED us. Yes. It saved us from each other and from others. It taught us who we were meant to be and act on that. It taught me that he is enough for me and that others add a rich dimension to our lives. To my life. For the rest of my life I would be perfectly content to share this week with only him. It added that much to my life with him. I learned to not label people yet to trust myself and my instincts. I learned to be honest and ask for what I need and clearly state my boundaries with respect that this isnt always just about me. I learned that we all have said and done hurtful things and come through those times as better people. Not one of us is without a regret or sorrow we wish we could undo. Burning man will push you. It will teach you. It will swallow you whole. It will give you what you didnt even know you wanted. It will take the best of you and bring it forth to your every day living. And the BS will slide away and you wont even notice or give a fuck. Burning man is a chance to discover that only YOU limit your highest good and only you know what that is. Burning man taught me respect. To respect me, you, life, love, boundries, support, community, family and that we can make a differeince in someone's world no matter how small. It gave me faith in people. Burning Man isnt about partying in the desert, getting shit faced and being a troll. I think it is about becoming bigger than you thought you could be, to you or your spouse or your kids or your family or to a homeless person that needs help. When you give you get. I dare you to look people in the eye starting now and ask them what makes them happy. Start a conversation. Get to know someone. Step out of what you know and be uncomfortable. Your world will expand because of it. Ian, I cant wait to be home with you again. I truly cant wait to see you experience the joy I know you have for it. I cant wait to be on the MOJP and see your pride in the gift your are giving. Being there with you is my joy and I love you. t

1 comment:

goldie lux said...

this is beautiful. i'm glad you guys found something to bring you closer and clear out the bs. i hope you and ian have the best time ever!