Friday, May 11, 2012

Dear Mom

Mother's Day 2012.

My god, have I ever been an emotional person the last few weeks. Let me start with I am free of drugs from the face thingy I did two weeks ago. So this emo disorder I have is here on its own time.

While off in precetville, I had a lot of time to think. I recently started watching the show Long Island Medium and I love it and I am a fan and I do believe that people have this gift. I am not asking for anyone's permission to believe in spirits or ghosts or angels. But I do.

My mom died about 4 and half years ago. After the year of aggressive cancer treatment (because doctors dont cure cancer. ) she lost. I was holding my mother's hand when she took her last breath. I have only been in the presence of two people that died. My dad, in 1988 and my mom in 2007. None of my siblings were present. I find this very odd that I was there with them both at the end of their lives. I have had a handful of encounters with my father's spirit the last one being in 2006 when Haley broke her wrist. That was really amazing. Not the break but the encounter. Still brings tears to my eyes...

So, since my mom died I never seem to feel her. I will have dreams that leave me happy/sad for days and every so often I will smell her perfume and I feel hugged by this. It also makes me miss her and hold my family a little tighter.

So watching this show obviously makes me want to ask her (my mother) to come see me, show me you are around. That is what I did when my dad died and then little signs would keep appearing. I asked now. And I received.

When my dad died my mom would listen to the song Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler. It always made her cry, I think it was pop music at the time and she said it helped her feel better because she felt like it had to do with my dad. I personally have a few songs that make me think of her and make me cry when I hear them.

This one by Pink: Who Knew

And James Taylor's Fire and Rain.

So in the last week I have heard these songs about 4 times each. I havent heard Wind Beanth my wings in years. I also was watching tv and the iPhone commercial about Siri was on. I said to the BF I want that. He said it doesnt work that way and so on. and I swear to GOD the next morning, I was checking my 8 different social media outlets and I came across a picture on instagram that is a screen shot that says: You are the wind beneath my wings. AND the caption says "Oh Siri, you make me blush"

I am not even fucking kidding.

This is after I have posted 3 or so pictures on FaceBook of my mom...

Today, I miss her very much. There just isn't enough time in this lifetime to learn all the lessons.

Dear Mom,

Thank you for coming to me this week. I still miss you and need you. I am counting my blessings. Please keep coming back. I know you are here now.

Until we meet again.

Here is the blog I wrote about my dad from MySpace days- It was April 2007

My Spirit Guide, My Dad

Current mood:peaceful

I believe in ghosts. Maybe the same as people believe in aliens from outer space. Are they one in the same?

I have had a few spiritual encounters with the other side. I won't go into some of those today, but I will say that yesterday I had tremendous help from the otherside.

My daughter Haley (12), fell while roller blading on the street. She and Olivia (8) were out of school for the day because we were going to go to Rocky Point, Mexico. While I was taking shower, they wanted to skate. I told them to stay on our street and NOT to break anything as it would ruin our trip!!!

Not 10 minutes later, my little one comes in screaming MOMMY! Every mom knows that scream... you react, and she told me that Haley broke her wrist!!! So with that I haul ass out of the shower throw on Ian's shirt and run dripping wet down the street to help my baby.

I saw her 4 houses down and she was on her butt, she was holding her right arm up and, if you have ever been on skates, you know how hard it is to get up from skates, much less with a broken forearm. Anyhow, she just got up. I ran barefoot and when I reached her she was calm and she was apologizing and there was not one tear in her eyes.

We walked back to the house. I am calm she is calm, Livi is afraid. I am alone, basically naked, dripping wet and deciding in my mind, that this is not a head injury (good) and totally repairable and I need to ice her get the skates off, get her shoes, get her sisters skates off and grab some sweatshirts get my clothes on get her in the car because it is going to be a very long day.

Then I felt it. I was not alone, it was my dad. He was there, with her keeping her calm, keeping me calm. I saw him. He was by her side and sitting next to her holding her safe. In that moment, I knew that he helped her get up from the street with her broken wrist, she did it so effortlessly. I knew that was where I got my reaction to move into a clear action and make decisions.

My dad died 19 years ago, suddenly, of a heart attack. He was 47. I was 21. I dont think about my dad as often as I used to, but I do talk to him when I need to ask for guidance. I have always felt a spirit presence everywhere I have been. And I have lived many places. I always knew it was him.

I've missed you. It was good to see you again, dad. Thank you for your help, I really needed it and it was great not to feel alone. I've always known you were near.
Haley is doing well, she spent the night in the hospital, she had a compound fracture and is recovering well.


The Six-Fingered Monkey said...

What a lovely post!

I believe too, ya know. In fact, my Nana became a believer after my Pop died and she was read by John Edward.

I have had experiences related to my pop and my uncle... I am looking forward to my first experience with Nana. People find that weird... I think it is beautiful.

I have wanted to watch Long Island Medium for some time but never had the chance. I watched it for the first time last week, a few days after Nana's passing and I broke down in tears... not ready yet, I guess.

Memphis Steve said...

I've read this post several times and tried to comment over and over. My father died about 5 years ago. My mother is still alive, but getting older and closer to the end. And I have no children with little hope of every having any unless I divorce and somehow remarry a hot twenty-something. It's going to be strange when my mother dies. What happens to family get-togethers? Where will we meet if we still have them? Or will everyone else go off with their own families that they have created and we will rarely if ever see each other again?

NicePeace said...

Steve- I remember you commenting about a post I did a few years ago about my mom. You shared with me about your dad dying. Thank you for sharing with me. I know how difficult it is to have people relate to this.

My family, a sister and 2 bothers, fell apart. We still are in a weird place with each other. Or at least I am from them. I have my sister and one brother, but our relationships are changed. It is just different now. I do not live near them but they all live minutes away from each other. It sucks.

Women tend to try to keep the family together more than men. I say if that is what you want, express it to your siblings now. Have that dialogue no one wants to have. And most of all ask your mom all the questions you can. Talk, call, hug and say what you need to say. Trust me.