Monday, February 13, 2012

No Big.

I know where I want to go but dont know how to get there. Always so complicated. I have been working really hard on life. Not in a exhausting way just a conscious, thoughful way. I am living in the now, letting go and visualizing my outcomes. I fuck up, I look at me and try not to blame and forgive myself and whatever else is involved and seriously release it.

Is it working? Most of the time but when it doesnt, I stew in it, sometimes for days.

SO. What's going on lately? Work, kids, life. Planning vacations, talking about working out, sleeping a lot.

February is my b-day month as well as many other awesome Feb-quarians- Another day in the month. For me, I have a Bday, V- Day and an anniversary within 6 days of each other. With that come pressure for the BF. Financial and the pressure of performing and being unique. I have always said that these are all separate events and if My bday was in Arpil and our anniversary in June, We would not neglect these celebrations.

Why are there so many men anti- Valentines day? Really? I believe when a man complains about doing something for the woman he loves on a day of love he really is just selfish. I am not putting a price on this simply putting thoughtfulness and genuine feeling into it. So many people bitch and moan about giving to someone they claim to love on Vday. I say, step out of your comfort zone and surprise the hell out of the one you like to 'do it' with. There are plenty of inexpensive things to privately plan in the bedroom that are fun for both people. When someone I know complained about it being a stupid holiday, I figure why even bother now. So I wont.

Ahh. The anniversary. 7 years. I have been bold enough to tell the bf that I want a ring. I dont need a diamond. I cant wear it with the work I do. About 4 years ago, he said he thought about it but is afraid I will throw it at him... That makes my ringless finger sad. It isnt like I want to get married so the ring is a symbol not a future divorce waiting to happen. Yesterday I reminded him that he has never bought me a piece of Jewelry. He said " You dont wear Jewelry."

I will take that as a no anniversary celebration will be forth coming. Why even bother now? So I wont.

Life goes on. So what, I dont need to celebrate Vday or my 7 year anniversary.

Next goal. No expectations will lead to no let downs.

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