Forty-Fucking-Five

Hello new year. New age. New Kate Spade happy b-day present to me. New boobs. Ok the boobs arent so new, but my attitude is, all days but tuesday. I seem snappy on tuesdays. But this has nothing to do with that, only that tomorrow I will be 45.

Well that isnt the happiest thing to ever write. but i am glad to be able to have a chance to get older and hopefully better with time.

Things I will and/or wont do when I am 45.

1. Pussy- I wont get a cat. I will never pick my destiny as a cat woman. I like men and women who talk of this nonsense make me want to throw-up. Not to say I dont like to pet the kitty now and then.

2. Wrinkles- I have them and dont admire them, Botox is my friend. Yes I botox and I love it. I fucking love that little needle.

3. Heavy B- I dont exercise and I am not looking like I dont. (<--- wtf?) I will do some of that here and there. But really I want to eat all the things i am not -s'posed to.

4. 40 hours- too bad, not doing it.

5. Apple- I promised myself I will go east at some point this year. NY with my kids before xmas. A sound plan.

6. Sex- Get it, give, it, smell it, do it, sell it, pay for it, no holes barred.

7. Nudity - Wash my face before I go to bed. Sleep naked.

8. Sweat - nothing. it will happen regardless.

9. Speak - learn a big word that means very little but sounds smart. Use it on FB.

10. Phone - Use it more and not just the features it provides.

11. Cash - Save it, spend it. use it, fret not about it.

12. Language - Swear more, but only when talking with an accent.

13. Meals - More shit sandwiches for everyone.

14. Charity - Give more, time, head, clothes, patience. People like to receive.

15. OMG - Either no acronyms or more, IDK yet.

16. Be - free, me, she, totally, awesome.

Boom.