Why not now

Forgiveness is about giving.

I went to see several family members I haven't seen since my mom died. Almost four years.

I miss these people, my family. I miss holidays, birthdays, BBQs connecting and relating. I miss knowing someone is around the corner, down the street, a short distance just to feel at home.

Im trying to feel at home and once again feel like I am waiting. Waiting for life to begin if only this or that was going on. So CD.

I wish they would only love and forgive each other. I imagine they want the same but I am sure the legacy of foolish pride gets the better of them.

I drove across the Mojave desert not once,  but twice. I released my pride all the way there. On the way back I let go of the past and hurts and fear. I decided it is time to love myself enough to forgive the past. Not for them, for me. Im selfish like that.