Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Is it in?
I was talking to a newly single friend today and she told me how she met a guy but wasn't sure if she was going to see him again.... This could mean anything so I asked about him and why. What I learned made me laugh in a blow liquid out f my nose guffaw kinda way.
They met on St Patty's day and had a drunin boozy kinda time. They met for lunch one day and went mattress shopping with another friend and had that side splitting"OMG! Stop! It hurts to laugh any more!" day out together.
I asked her, "So what happened? And as a matter fact she she told me that he snored so loud she didn't know how he could sleep and that guy hawked a loogie while in her bathroom in the morning. She heard it.
"So you slept with him?" I knew.
"That was before the loogie" She sighed.
This made me laugh loud and squeal happily. My friends are great sluts, in the good way that men score and have lots of sex just because the planets are aligned. I dont think I have ever heard of the loogie to be the deal breaker though.
I once dated a guy that I thought was so awesome and funny and charming and I wanted to give him all my goodness and rub it all over his goodness. I couldn't wait to get him alone and cry out for baby Jesus. And he wanted it too. The problem was he had The.Smallest.Cock.Ever. I, I , I didnt know what to do and I felt wrong and I was so.... disappointed and it was soOOOO small. What am I supposed to do with that baby Jesus moment and how am I supposed to hide my shock?
I'll tell you how. You just do. So I did. And...well... I seriously was so ready to go all night with this one, I had been giddy with excitement about the act, the smell, the taste, the sounds and I was hot and ready for it. Yeah, well he was too and as soon as it was 'in' (is it in?) it was over! Two pump chump! NOOOOOOO!! it couldn't be! Blew it all over and then.... nothing, I couldnt even try again, left it alone and went to sleep. No oral, no bang, no goodness for me.
Thank God I never listened to my mother and waited until I was married! Even a virgin would know that she was getting gyped!
The topper was, he snored and that guy could saw some serious thick forest. I must say it was one of the most anticipated worst nights of my life. I would have taken the loogie over any of that.
What do you think is a deal breaker? What's the turn-off, the no way, the what was I thinking that you and your friends and their friends told all of their friends and laughed at about for years?