I am a mother. And I am a damn good mother. And then, I am not a good mother.Balanced? Yes and no. I often struggle with doing it right. But what is 'right' for me wouldn't even be hardly no where near right for someone else.
Some days I dont like being a mom. I dont get a break from it. Sure there is school and overnights with their friends, but with their dad busy working in another country, well, I have been mothering and fathering for TEN years, this year. Not alone but mostly in the big picture, yes, alone.
Toward the end of the school year, I'm whipped. Im tired of homework, meetings, logs, projects, reading getting up early and so on. I love summer. No more school responsibilities for a while.
My kids have yet to spend a summer with their dad. Have him do everything. Like go to work and worry where they will be all day, and take the phone calls of them fighting with each other and being told how bored they are, and when are you gonna be home and I want, I want, I want. It is, some days, overwhelming to me. And some days, I snap.
Some days I just want to be me. No responsibility. No bickering. No changing ingredients in a dish because this one wont eat that and that one wont eat this. No crappy attitudes. Oh and then what about the perks?
Being able to go shopping for me and staying out an extra hour because Im enjoying myself. And how about taking off for the weekend and just Doing. Whatever. I. Want. Me. Balance.
While that is a dreamy scenario I would miss the daily hugs form Olivia and the twenty I love yous every time we hang up the phone and the endless giggles that I really love. And even though having a strong willed 14 year old daughter is sooOOO hard some days, She reminds me what it's like to laugh and plan fun times and be spontaneous.
I have always said I can remember my life without my kids, but now I cant imagine life without my kids. They are me. Good and Bad. I take full responsibility and pride in them.
19 comments:
Parenting is the most difficult and most spectacular thing in the world. Plus, when the little boogers get older, you can make them cut the lawn and take out the garbage.
Isnt that so? Your boys are the perfect ages right now. Just you wait until 6th and 7th grade.... I whole new bucket of fun. You'll be just as uncool as me-
*pfft! if they only knew*
that's why i don't know if i'll ever be able to handle kids. :\ even with the perks. ijustdontknow.
i would complain about the father of my children (among other things) but it seems my roll in life is to shut the f@ck up and deal with the unfairness of it all.
so here i go. shutting up, bending over and taking it in the keister.
I love it. Its a "can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em" kind of deal, isn't it?
Great post girl.
@ McDreamy: Oh c'mon. 20 years and you have a hip, new, BFF, no big. It is a soul changing experience, that you should never take lightly.
@ CY...fn:I deal it with it and really dont mind my role just know that he will one day regret the role he picked. I prefer to bend over on my terms, any more.
@ T: Thanks. I know you know what I know, No?
i bend over everyday yet nothing
arent i suppose to feel something or is it more of a non-feeling more faking type of fun?
CY...fn: It's more of a grin and bare it fuck you of sorts. If I am bending over, I better feel it and I better ask for more.
Maybe the ex's know each other. I think it's a club they belong to.
Why are you complaining? They have solitude type mommy type moments built into the day, don't they? They're called The View and Oprah I thought, no? lol
What? What'd I say????
@CL: If only everyone hadnt lost their minds. We watch Jackass and Family Guy, keeps us tight. Personally the only big O I'm all for is.... that one.
Well.... I'm a giver. You know that. I'd totally give you one but what are you gonna do with the other 23 hours and 57 minutes of the day???? (yeah, I'm just that good)
@CL:I have heard about what a giver you are from your other readers. I suspected as much..... I could go into crazy mode like CY...fn and do that the rest of the day....
I am distracted by all this bending over.
everyone ready? wow is bending over now, ready, one, two, and its in.
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=20550
buddhy i wanted to help you not get raped by satan and so i am including this link with my comment. lookin out for ya, cause i care.
click on talitha's pic and read her profile you will laugh your ass off.
I'm shakin my backside at the gimp! that is gold!
omg seriously the funniest shit i ever read. you must browse the blog it is choice.
i wanna go to church now, they have a crackwhore church go here and you will see, but they dont have one in nevada, cause we dont got no crackho's yo.
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/thestaff/ladies/bowers.html
@compulsively: MOOOOOOON RIVER. I hope you washed your hands first - I'm pretty sure I know at least ten filthy places your finger has been.
you have awesome beautiful smart funny no-one-else-like-'em-on-the-planet mini yous. they love you more than you can even imagine
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