Monday, January 12, 2009

Strike from the Record

I rarely live with regrets. There really is no taking back an action. The damage is done. I have very few regrets. But I have one that I would do anything to erase, to strike from the record, to delete it permanently.

I did something many months ago that hurts someone that means the world to me. I was ‘forgiven’ but that scar is there and reminders come up and I am sure the pain feels like the day it happened. This person didn’t deserve my intoxicated lapse in judgment. My remorse is severe and this day still haunts me and weighs heavy in my life. When it comes up I remember it weighs even heavier in their heart.

I wonder if forgiveness does exist. I don’t think it does. Not with that person there to remind you.

There was that day that I made a huge mistake. The one that I keep trying to forget about, the one you can’t let go of, maybe that is the same day you made a huge mistake too.

4 comments:

Kimmie said...

Ah sugar, people do forgive. Sometimes it takes awhile but they do.

It would be easy to say you will be OK but it just might require some serious thinking.

Keep on trucking baby and hey intoxicated lapses don't really count :)

Nice Peace of Buddhy said...

I've been "forgiven" but....

One of those things that should never have been.

I like your motivational Keep on Truckin'! Thanks Sunshine!

Cunning_Linguist said...

No matter how large or small. No matter how relevant or innocuous. No matter how you suffer or find joy in every moment......

These are the things that shape you and all happen for a reason. Just because you don't know what that reason is right now doesn't mean it won't later down the road. All things in life have purpose.

I'm with Kimmie, though. Tequila is one of those wild cards that shouldn't be logged in.

Nice Peace of Buddhy said...

Kinda like the saying "What ever doesnt kill ya, makes you stronger?"

I am just not in the practice of hurting anyone much less the BF. I think since it happened, we both have learned many things about ourselves, each other and our level of commitment to one another.

I should have had the tequila that day, at least then I would have been passed out....