Friday, October 17, 2008

Rehab is for Quitters

I worry about things. I rarely say them out loud, because being in the now forces you to not think of the future. When you worry you are thinking of the outcome and the possibilities. But dammit sometimes I just worry.

I worry about health, not so much my own, but the people I love. Poor health can bring on sickness and dis-ease. You name it. Illness is an imbalance that causes pain even death. But some can have mental dis-ease and even socially acceptable dis-ease like addiction.

This last week I have tried to fight the urge to worry but I can't contain it right now. This is about addiction. Not only is it self induced but it is doctor induced. My brothers are both addicts. They are in different stages, but struggle with the effects of it any way you dice it.

My younger brother has struggled with alcohol. He quit drinking for 9 years. NINE years. I cant remember when he took it up again, but he did go big. After his mother-in-law died from the effects of alcoholism, his wife told him to clean it up. They have boys to raise. He did pretty good with keeping the drunkenness at bay. But the back pain was too much. His doctor fixed that right up. I don't know how long he has been abusing prescription drugs, but the opiates got him.

Fortunately this story has a (so far) good outcome. Two weeks ago he checked into and detox hospital. He needed help. I venture to say, more then I will ever know. But I am so fucking proud of him. That takes big balls to ask for help. Huge cojones. I cried when I found out, I was relieved and I was scared for him. Years of that kind of steady abuse does a number on you. Being a heavy smoker for decades doesnt help either. I worry. My dad passed away of a full in heart attack at 47. The bro just turned 40.

My older brother..... I love him. He has been through an extreme life of drug abuse. He never liked the drinking. Didnt want to do what my dad did. But speed was his fav. When his good friend should him how to inject it.... his affair began. My brother has been sober for well over 1 and half years. His sobriety was a court order. It changed his life. I am glad my mom got to know he was in a good place when she passed on. She would be so proud of him. I know we all are. He has learned to live a peaceful life without many demands. Something a number of us could use in our day to day lives. Unfortunately he has decades of smokes in his body. And he contracted hepC many years ago. They found it when he was sober, wanting give blood to the red cross. Fucked up. He deals with it. I just worry about him. When your health sucks, you realize you dont have anything else. Nothing.

The little bro is doing good this week. The big bro just informed me he has MRSA. And is trying to be treated for it. He has the kind where you get softball sized sores from it. He called me from work to update me. Apparently he has had it most of the year.... Now another thing to worry about. He is 43. I just want him to have a chance at the life he has fucked up for so long. Now he is trying and actually REALLY contributing to society. Doing good in the world. He counsels other addicts when they go in for detox and works with the mentally challenged as a liaison between them and their employers. (you know, the guy bagging groceries) he watches them work and helps them make it through their day. Not bad for a guy that used to con for a living.

Im proud of both of them, I worry about both of them and I love both of them. Besides my sis, they are the only family I have left. In the end, we really dont have much else.


Wow, that was awkward said...

I worry all the time about everyone else. Don't forget to take care of yourself too. Glad your bruthas are doing well.

I'm huge in Japan said...

I always try to take care of me, but I have to take a nubmer...

Courtney Lindgren said...

damn. i never knew this about ur family. derrek fails to mention anything of emotional importance. i always tell derrek that my family is so plagued with addiction but he never says anything about his too. ugh.
this really spoke to me. thank u.