Thursday, December 20, 2012

its my stroke and it mkes mre cry a lotoh how.i miss me

i miss my life i had a tight little orderly life wand now it is chaos. i cannot drive i cannot earn money right now my entire interdependence is gone.i feel so sad.  hate this change it is harder then i let anyone know. i liked me and who i had finally become i cannot take care of my family the way i want to, i cant cook or clean. or plan  I've become un- domesticated.. my kids take care of me now. but i try so hard to stsy positive abut at times t is hard to not want to cry like a baby. like right new  i am not earning money and i want to give like i do every year. so money issues cause worry and stresss and i hate to worry.and no one understands. i am not one to ask for help or even admit i need it. i just want to be me again. i will conquer this i just want it now.i don't know how to enjoy this journey. i pray all the time for peace and healing and guidance  i am mostly always a tpeace.but dsinc thst crazy massacre  i am terry and my kids try to comfort me amd i know ithay is hard for them thy are used to me having me in control's\  and they hate to see me cry.i make an ugly cry face ttoo. ian is doin his best to keep it together for us all annd it is hard for him picking up the slack for me iyt is new to him to we always teamed together so well.and had a satisfying balance. and family dynamic. my kids are going through finals right now so rthy are under a  lot of pressure as well.am glad to have them. i need them and it seems unfair of te role reversal/. stronf women raise strong women.ewihing you all a beautiful christmas and health. and gratitude..i have to relean it. i dont know how to be disabled. how difd this happen?

5 comments:

goldie lux said...

strong women do raise strong women. role reversal isn't supposed to happen this early in life, but we'll all get through this together. i am moving 5 miles from you in a few days. while i'm not working, i will help you with anything and everything. grocery shopping, taking you to therapy appointments, cleaning, showering. you need it, you got it. i will offer often, but please know that you can always call me to help you with even the smallest things. i love you.

ómós massage By Maureen McIntyre said...

thank you sara, i judt needs rides mostly

Memphis Steve said...

I hate that you are going through this. I know how terribly upsetting it must be and I wish I could do something to fix it all for you. I wish my significant other would read this because she seems to think she can plan out everything and control every aspect of her life. I try to tell her that it isn't so, that God will throw you a curveball every now and then and you need family to help you sometimes. But she won't listen. I'm praying for you. It's all I know to do. I hope that you get better and have a full recovery.

Anonymous said...

Sending you love and thinking of you. I would definitely be feeling the same way!

You got this! You are getting better each moment.

BIG love, sweetie!!

Red Shoes said...

I have no helpful words for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers, however...

~shoes~