There came a time that I finally realized that being that person was unnecessary. I didnt want to be in trouble. I wanted to be complimented for good behavior. Change took effort and conditioning. When those changes were noticed I felt that I was on the right path. That is how I decided to live my life.
Along the way I found I couldnt and wouldnt make people happy. As the middle child of an alcoholic, I am also a peace-keeper. Ah. Such a great role to be in. I think that is long for co-dependent. Whatev.Since I have worn that name proudly over the years. I still struggle with keeping the peace, being passive aggressive and so on. I dont have to be this way, but tend to act on it when I feel that fear of consequence.
Is this just human nature? Do we all lie or is stretching the truth okay?
My point? I dont really have one. Other than it seems I am constantly accused of less then perfect behavior and wonder, why bother. Knowing that you are in a constant state of betterment and having those around you accusing you of otherwise feels sickening.
Hello giant wall.
5 comments:
Hear, hear! I often feel this way about work -- I do a good job, I work hard and I mind my Ps and Qs. Yet, for some reason, I am bullied by management and treated as if I am some sort of slack-ass. The sad thing is, the true slack-asses... those who fudge their time sheets, lie about where they are and do other naughty things seem to be rewarded. It kinda makes you wanna say "fuck it" and be just like them.
Work. Home. Friends. Family.
When treated like you are failing really "fuck it" seems to be the only way.
I might as well shit the bed.
Wow... I can totally relate too. It takes effort to stay upbeat, positive, independent, reliable, trustworthy... and other don't seem to come through like that. So I'm with you, sometimes I too say, "Why bother". But I'm the only one who has to sleep with myself at night.
*sigh*
I highly recommend shitting the bed, though the maids at the Hilton may disagree.
My girlfriend Billy is saying the some thing right now. I don't have an answer except there seems to be an acceptable level of lying and she seems to cross it...constantly.
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