Thursday, June 16, 2011
My dad died in 1988. I was 21. And he was 47. Today I am 44. I feel so young.
My dad had a lot of health issues. He smoked. He was a heavy drinker during my early years. (he quit when I was 11) He never exercised. He didnt eat well. It really is no surprised that he had a stroke at 42 and a massive heart attack that claimed his life.
I have grown to live without my father. I wasnt close to my dad. We didnt have any issues but we never related. As a matter of fact, I was just starting to build a relationship with him. At 21 I was starting to build a relationship with all of my family. I looked forward to holidays and family get togethers. I was an adult and wanted to learn about these people.
When a parent dies it changes the family dynamic. It changed mine. I built a strong relationship with my mom. I supported her desire to date. I wanted her to be happy. She was and ended being married to my step-dad for more that 13 years.
But our family changed. Not to label it good or bad. It was just different. Just distant. Life is about change and how we accept it.
My dad was a kind and gentle man. He was very patient and could read people really well. He was a great judge of character without ever being judgmental. I tend to accept people first and learn quickly about who one really is. My dad loved my mom and loved his family. He just wasnt involved.
I have always heard we attract what we know. A Spouse, and in my case, spouse x's many, will resemble one or both parents. I can agree that has been the case with me. My spouse(s) have been both the good and not so favorable qualities I had in my parents. Gentle, kind, distant, submissive, aggressive. We cant have a trait without having a hint or equal amount of the opposite.... no point in this blog.
My life is peaceful and calm right now. I miss the gentleness of my wise father to guide me through these rough times. I always make it in the long run. I have a lot of common sense, life lessons learned and stubbornness to help me through.
I wish my kids could have known my dad. Sadly, they didnt have grandparents near them. Either did I. Sadly, there own dad isnt even in their lives. I guess I chose my own family dynamic. I hope they learn how to forgive.