Monday, March 1, 2010

Still


I am hoping to one day be trusted. I can't seem to get it right with really... anyone. It makes me want to run far away and not look back. It is hard to leave when there is love. Not that I want to leave. I just want harmony, peace and love.

Is it better to leave when there is still love?

I have said this numerous times. I am still unforgiven and untrusted. Unforgiven of the past and untrusted of the future. Rarely am I in the now of being here.

Freedom would benefit this as much as the choice just to be. I wish to break free of what I will always be accused of. The accusation of being the enemy breaks my spirit and opens wounds you have never seen in me.

It has been over a year since you felt us moving forward. Just another reminder that I fail over and over and my faults are the ties that keep us nowhere.

Relationships take work and require change. And trust. And acceptance. And desire. There is so much work to do. At times, why really try? I do it wrong anyway.

They say relationships are what we need in life to learn our lessons. When is it time to let go and move on together or seperately. I try to be logical...

I'm tired.

1 comment:

Memphis Steve said...

I don't believe anyone can answer this question. I went through hell and back again and very nearly didn't make it. Today things have improved dramatically, but along the way I've lost some friends whom I thought were good friends. I suffered more than I thought I could bare and will probably never feel quite the same way again, towards her and a lot of people. Unfortunately, commitment is the only way anyone ever grows old together. It's a gamble to stick it out when your heart feels as if it is being constantly ripped from your chest and carved into pieces. You're gambling that one day things will get better again. But there is only so much a person can take.