Saturday, September 20, 2008

The BF and BF

I just read a great blog by Mandy about love and her boyfriend. It inspired me to write as I have been already thinking about where I am and what I am doing, thinking and feeling about everything from love, family, kids, work, health, GOD, friends and just about everything.

When you are in the moment, which I try to be when I am doing something, I tend to consider what is going on in me. I am trying to get to know who I am and where I am going.

I am not lost or anything, but quite truthfully, my moms death really shook my life. More then I could have ever known at the time. It is true, you can never prepare for it. Never. It mostly opened my eyes about my relationships. I want to fix my relationships, I want people I interact with to find and feel love. To make the changes that make them a better person. But I know all I can do is do this for myself.

I have said before, that I struggle and doubt myself at times as a mom. I do, however, know that I have pretty kickass kids. I take full responsibility for their upbringing. I am, I hope, giving them the skills to grow into who they are. GUILT free. Not with free guilt.

The bf and I have always had a rocky relationship. We both have a lot of love towards each other. We both have had a lot of hard times with each other. But I stay. He stays. And everytime, it is worth it. Why? because we are committed to each other. We try so hard to communicate and solve issues and find compromise and common ground. Respect.

This guy loves me and my kids. Perfectly, the way I think he should? No. Not always. But consistantly, striving to be better and growing as a man becuase of it. A MAN. In the almost 4 years that we have been together, I have seen him change. He is better at loving me then he was in the beginning. I think he gets me more then he did. We still fight over really stupid things, but now we make up and admit the problems and move past them with love and forgiveness. Now that is growth.

I have learned to stay. I have learned that he doesnt have to be perfect and we can disagree and still accept each other. I am not going anywhere. Not without my BF. My boyfriend and best friend.


The BF said...

The BF Says. "There is love in this life there is life in this love."

You are a great GF and Mom!


Nice Peace of Buddhy said...