Having Kids Doesn't Make You a Father.

This is my family. Olivia, 13. Haley 16. And me. This picture was taken August 2011.

August was officially the month I was divorced from their dad. That was in 2000. He has always made the choice to live away from us. In many cases, because that is where he found work. He always wanted to work hard to help support his kids. He never complained about child support. His job often had him working weekends.

So, living 1 to 3 hours away and working weekends caused him to be, more than not, a no show in their lives. Which has always been a let down for them.

I rarely complain about this. It is easier for "ME" for him to not be here. But being a parent isnt about me. My kids have virtually no relationship with him and havent since his move to Costa Rica, four years ago.

Here is where I am going to rant.

You might remember they went to see him in 2009 for the whole summer, 2 years ago. They all (him and the girls) resisted but I put my foot down and told him he needs to get to know them. He has never spent more than I week with them since I left and that is mostly sporadic and inconsistent at best. It was 20 months until the next time he saw them, becuase he "had to work" that was March 2011, TWENTY months later. Really? He was supposed to stay for 7 days but had to leave, for work, after 5. See where this is going?

Ok. here are the facts. He hasnt even paid child support since June 2009. (a little, here and there) But this isnt about that. It is that he Doesnt. See. His. Kids.

It is difficult to get him on the phone. (Costa Rica BS) When he says he will send money it is often 2 weeks later. His reason is the phones dont work the internet is down. blah, blah, blah... However he doesnt communicate with his kids. Not through the phone or email or facebook. When he was here in March 2011 he called his GF everyday. The kids saw this, yet hear him say, the phones dont work....

I emailed him and gave him their school schedule. Remarkably, he called me, full of excuses... (of course) Then finally called the girls. When they talk to him, he tells him about how hard he works and how the economy is bad for him, and that as soon as he can he wants to see them. (It has been * months to date) And then, He says "You guys should come here for Thanksgiving" Really? they have only 4 days off. Oh and they are, right now, on Fall break this week. Had he talked to them in say, July, he could have had them come to see him this week. My issue is he makes unreasonable plans that cannot be followed through. (my daughter lost her passport) 4 days is too short for them to go there and the cost of tickets and.....

When asking Haley about this, she said, the problem is is that he says it and then wont call back for another 3 months because he is too busy working or the phones dont work.... they know how it goes. I never say a word about it. I knew they would figure it out on their own.

We all have awesome kids. My girls are good people. My BF's friends, who dont have kids, enjoy being around my girls. They have good attitudes, they are funny, they like people and all around they are real people.

I never thought he would ever stop being a part of his kids lives. They have even said to me that if he is not making money there he might as well come here. At least he could be in our lives.... I mention that they should ask him to move here. You know what they say? We dont want to make him feel bad. So they take that sadness. I hope they never think that they did something to make him not want to be around.

It truly breaks my heart for them.

He may have fathered them, but Ian is acting, hands on, hugs and emoitional and financial support, homework, rides to the mall, lectures about boys, dinners, holidays, fix-it-guy... He doesnt even have kids of his own. But he is here making the sacrifices and I hope, this enriches all of their lives.