The Goodbye.

Finally. The Goodbye. This was a relationship that never should have been. But it was and for a long time. 6 years is hard to let go of. It seems we should get better not worse. But it isn't like it is the first good bye for either of us. They always seem so painful and then when being done is good. It is a wonder why we put each other through such hell. I dont want hell. I want hope.

One thing I keep hearing from my people in my day to day life is does he know what he has with you? I dont exactly know what this means. But it comes from sincerity and people I respect. I dont think he ever knew what he truly felt about me. At least he couldnt tell me. If he could tell me, he couldn't show me. Never could he show me.

I wanted too much, too much more than he was capable of. He couldnt do it right for me. He wanted different things than I. He wants a place to party, drink and be with buddies. I want something more connected with people. I want sober people that have a deeper meaning. More dimension and who actually participate in the world the live in. I guess we both created this mess.

We never married. Relationships dont work. Nobody I know has a happy fulfilling one. But we own a house together. Harder to get rid of than a divorce. I said I would leave. But now, I am not so sure. Why should I leave? I have two girls in a home where they go to school. I have to stay in this neighborhood. He can go live anywhere. ANYWHERE. One guy. Anywhere. 3 people. In a 2 mile radius.

I bet he wont go. He will fight me and hold on. Im not asking to sell the house just let me stay until it is time to sell. Then...

I hate this place I am in.

This too shall pass.