Spam Roll

I have Spam on my blog roll. I dont know how it got there or how to get rid of it. Woof. They write about samsung. who is this? Does anyone know? I'm scared.

Business is booming. Life is moving on. The holidays are upon us. Check. Okay, so I have been not checking blogger for a while. At least inconsistently. I only can write when things are shitty. I like the way my blog turns out but sound like a bloody whiner. So I just havent been writing. In a lot of ways, my life hit an all time low, well maybe for only this year it hit a low and I kinda crawled under a rock and did some soul searching and wound licking. The bf and I are still at it. Still together. Still trying. Still hard headed still stubborn still love each other. It's weird. It's weird because it is so good and sooo hard. We both are holding on by a thread, know the other isnt replaceable, and knowing that tolerance is a true test of our love/hate relationship.

Um. Kids are teens. I officially am one of the stupidest people in the house. unless it's payday. hay is a lovely, almost 16 year old and just about to celebrate her 1 year of being straight edge. I am very proud of her commitment to stand true to something that she beleives in. It isnt perfect but she has earned my trust and has taught me a lot about her in the last year. If only I could stop the mouth and the eye rolling...

Liv. Liv, liv, liv. Holy shit with her. 12, looks 16, pretty, funny, smart. L.A.Z.Y. Homework is not something in her vocabulary. Grounded again this year for F's from not turning in homework. Geesus. She is a true joy and cracks me up. Whoever said I'm going to have to watch out for that one, was correct. Please take it back!!!!

Family is the same. Trying to work out the kinks. My brother still hasnt spoken to me. It is almost a year now. He actually emailed me to call him to get this off his soul. I called left a message and still havent heard back from July. Sad. Today is gone forever. I miss his kids and wife and the family. Nothing I can do. I have made several attempts to contact him. And nothing.

Which leads me to missing my mom. I miss her a lot these days. I just need her guidance and friendship. Although I dont have regrets, I do wish I could do some things differently. Many things really.

I am trying to force myself to get out there and meet new people. I am afraid of that sometimes. I fear that the light I find will take me away. I tend to get up and leave. I have the grass is always greener syndrome. And it has been greener. And I have been in limbo for so long. In a lot of ways, I am only here because I am trying not to run. Yet I am always happy I stayed until it falls apart again. I dont know what normal is anymore for me. But I am where I want to be today and focusing on the good and releasing the thoughts that make me angry, while trying to stay true to me and us and learn and grow.

Okay. Bye.