I'm a mom and I finally love being a mom. I really struggled with the invasion of babies in my life. I loved my kids, always, with every cell, just never enjoyed the journey.
Something went off in me recently about motherhood. I can't quite pin point the turn of events but my kids are good people. Funny, charming, silly, sarcastic, considerate, happy, curious, loving, smart, easy going, healthy, etc. I really could go on. At the same time they are challenging and make me crazy at times, but I have nothing to complain about.
Today my youngest daughter turns eleventeen. She is a joy! She was an easy baby and adorable as a toddle and funny funny funny as a pre-teen.
This kid hasn't stopped talking since she started. With every passing year I have to personally go to her teachers and tell them my daughter is a talker but she i s nice kid. Some kids suck and are just disruptive, she is just disruptive in a special way. Her teachers have a love hate with her.
Then there is my Haley. First born, a natural leader and a fast learner. I blog about her a lot because she has so much change happening right now. She starts High School next year and she is excited and mature and has a great head on her shoulders. She is ready.
She is getting another party. The end of the school year bash. She has 60 kids on the list and the same rules apply. No Drugs, No Sex. Her last party the cops came, 2 cops. Deemed a success by all of the group and they all had fun dancing and acting like big kids, without the booze.
This summer, my girls are going to stay with their dad in Costa Rica, for almost 2 months. They leave in 23 days. And I am bi-polar about the whole going away. The dad hasnt ever had them for more then 2 weeks and spoils them silly and cant stand them by the end of the trip. They start asking for everything and acting out because he parents them with gifts. Then I have to retrain them when they get home.
They are excited to go but they dont want to go for 2 months, it's all summer and they will miss their friends. "Too bad" I say, yet at times I wish they weren't going for that long. I will miss them. And just as manic-ly The BF reminds me about all the naked pool parties and NO KIDS! Woo Hoo!!
We are pretty sure they will come home to appreciate how luck they are and even though we have consistant rules, we are good to them and they love living with us.
Lastly, One year, four months and twenty-two days ago, my mom passed away making mother's day bittersweet. I miss her everyday. I never realized how many times I need to call her just to find out something, be reassured or just have a friend that is always there. She isn't anymore. I'm better equipped these days to handle her being gone but damn, the ache still lingers and I still need her. It's been a really tough week for me emotionally and I could have really used her wisdom and love to get me through. I tried to think of what she would have said and realized she gave me everything I needed throughout the years, the way I hope my kids feel someday.
I have the answers within. Love and miss you , Mom. Happy Mother's Day.
10 comments:
i love and miss her too. i see things, hear things, smell things, laugh at things, cry at things that reminds me of her. i'm glad you like your necklace. so many things have taken place in my life that i've wanted to call her just to share the news or ask what to do. it's hard not being able to do that anymore. you're an awesome mama and you have fabulous beautiful children that know how rockin' you are. holidays like this are harder now. i love you so much
when im done tearing up i will make a real comment on this.
What beautiful daughters!
I lost my mom 3 years ago this week, and thought I could write about her for Mother's Day, but it's pretty difficult. Maybe this week, or next year, but I will write about her...I promised her.
Happy Mother's Day!
deb
Blondie: I love when I am somewhere and smell her perfume. That to me a big hug. Thanks for the necklace! And the compliment about the girls.
Dreamy McHeather: Cry baby.... Thanks for being there at that time. I know I wasnt at my best but I loved having you around.
Deb: I wrote about my mom last year too. It felt good.Time makes it easier to at least see through the tears. Happy Mother's Day to you
I know how you feel. My dad died 2 years ago and it's weird not being able to bounce ideas off him or just shoot the breeze. I still see him in my dreams from time to time, but its never the same.
Hope you had a great mother's day.
you are the bestest ever.
i hate this post and love it at the same time.
i miss my mom. i need her so much but in a weird way i feel her close to me, closer to me then when she was alive. when she was dieing i was able to serve her and show her my love by taking care of her and easing her transition. it was an amazing experience for me. it was such a blessing to be able to just give and let the woman who gave me life know that i would be ok when she was gone.
it changed me.
mothers day is hard for me. which is why i waited several days to comment. it is a bittersweet calling to be a mother but i wouldnt trade my life or my children with anyone. not even with someone who has a car. well....maybe i would....
uhm...pulling my hair back in a ponytail may not be the same as taking a shower but hey...who really showers everyday anyway? really. who?
Steve: I love those dreams. They are my favorite. I wake up so sadly blissful. Thanks for the wishes.
Crazy: I knew you would be by. I was there with my mom too and it does change you as a person. I was honored that I held her hand as she moved on and it is a day that I will never forget.
Make sure it's a lexus....
If you're asking..... I shower everyday. You should too.
Word Verify: Frilly
I loved your Mom the few times I met her. Although I was embarassed because she was told about the Sugar Daddy's bathroom incident. But oh well. I love my Mom to especially the splash of real Coke to take the diet taste away thing. But what i really love is naked pool parties!
Ha ha your mom is so wonderfully quirky. It's cute now....
Is it a party with less than 3 people?
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