Blond Pride

I have control issues. Now, that is not always a 'bad thing'. Although at times it is. I have reached this point where I want to know what is going on, what will happen, when will it happen and how long will it happen for.

Why? Why do I need to know these things? I just had the realization that I havent been living fully. I am planning, well, I plan to plan but never get far from the idea to plan. It seems I am waiting for some detail to kick start it.

I have a few good reasons for not planning too.

1) I have kids. My plans and days and thoughts revolve around them. I leave the spontaneousness out of my life in order to be spontaneous for them.

2) The effing weather. Arizona 's weather KICKS ASS 240 days of the year. Other then that, the heat during the summer SUCKS ASS. 110 average is pretty, pretty hot. So we dont enjoy the outdoors, the pool or the lake, hiking, rollerblading, yard word, biting our toenails or cuddling. Sure we have the A/C and the gym, but I hate the GYM. The gym= boring=LAZY. No go.

3) I revolve my life around those in it and then passively blame them for my shortcomings.

Alright I said it. At least I see it and want to fix it. And I will fix it, when the kids move away, when the weather cools off and I have my own life.

Just kidding. I need to plan. It helps me set short term goals, dinner, lose 5 pounds, kinky sex on Tuesday. It all has a place and because I am multi-lazy this time of year, it works for me.

Once a day I am going to do something for just me. It might include someone, but it will be something I want to do. No apologizes or time constraints.

I am wasting time.

Affirmation of the day: I have great girls a man that loves me, my health, family and I'm hot, (the a/c just shut off) I get to think, feel, love, drive, work, shop and eat.

I'm alive.